Saturday, July 30, 2005

Ahhh, the sages of cinema

My wife and I watched Hidalgo last night. I've often said the wonderful thing about Hollywood is that they always have something to teach us. Thank you Hollywood! Here are the four important truths I gleaned from Hidalgo:

1. American Indians are the wisest race on the planet. Bar none. Every word that comes from an Indian's mouth is pure gold. They have never been inhumane to man or beast. The world would be a much better place had white man not conquered them and forced their descendants to run casinos.

2. Muslims are also very wise. It's just that their zeal for Allah and passion for Islamic law sometimes clouds their judgment and makes them behave unpleasantly. But they still have much to teach us.

3. Christians are shallow, ignorant, manipulative and evil. They kill Indians for the pure fun of it. They try to destroy anything or anyone that is an obstacle to getting what they want. They are too stupid to realize that a plague of locusts is actually a blessing rather than a curse because you can munch on the little critters like pretzels when you are famished.

4. Hidalgo is boring.

For those of you who haven't seen the movie -- my advice is to download the trailer from the internet and watch it instead. That clip showing the dramatic wall of sand chasing Viggo Mortensen on his horse is the ONLY highlight of the movie. Then after you've finished watching that, go log-on to your Netflix account, take Hidalgo out of your queue, and put "Collateral" in it's place. You'll thank me later.